


Beavis and Butt-Head Score?

by nazipunxfuckoff



Category: Beavis and Butt-head
Genre: Dry Humping, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Oral Sex, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Sex, beavis and butt-head finally score??, dudes appreciating chicks AND dicks, friends to fuck buddies no homo?, its not gay if you say no homo, mostly crack but there's plot too LMAO, they pierce each other's ears lol, they're 16
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:01:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22994374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nazipunxfuckoff/pseuds/nazipunxfuckoff
Summary: Beavis and Butt-Head are two horny losers who live together and never get any chicks and sleep on the same couch (probably). They fight a lot and sometimes there's adrenaline-related sexual tension. They don't score chicks but somehow they score a bottle of Jack Daniel's and a dime bag!! Sometimes gay shit happens under the influence, yknow? A mouth is a mouth, right? After getting cross-faded you can tend to forget some shit, but neither one of our zeroes can forget getting head for the first time and let it slide after having their first taste (without making it too gay, of course).
Relationships: Beavis & Butthead, Beavis/Butt-head
Comments: 20
Kudos: 20





	1. Rollins Band

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beavis and Butt-Head watch the Rollins Band perform 'Low Self Opinion' on MTV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if MTV ever showed 'Low Self Opinion' but all the songs I'm putting in here are based off of music I like and what I think the two dweebs would like, especially because Rollins Band was featured on the show twice.
> 
> Edit: OH MY GOD WAIT BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD DID SHOW THE LOW SELF OPINION MUSIC VIDEO IT'S IN SEASON 3 EPISODE 17; CITIZEN BUTT-HEAD PART 2 LMAO IM LEAVING THE LINK FOR BOTH EPISODES
> 
> https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7mauai

It was almost half past ten in the morning when Butt-Head finally stirred. He sat up with a yawn, scratched his armpit and turned to the screen displaying an ad for flavored lipgloss. Beavis had left the TV on since Butt-Head nodded off and was jittering excitedly in his seat. For one with so much contained energy he almost never slept.  
“Mmh hehe rise and shine Butt-Head, mehehe, check it out” Beavis said, jabbing his finger at the screen where a blonde woman in a low-cut top was licking her plump, glossy lips.  
“Woah uh huh huh, that chick has nice cans” Butt-Head replied appreciatively before sniffing the fingers he had scratched his armpit with. “I’m pitching a tent.”  
“Hehe, yeah yeah, I’m getting a stiffy” Beavis agreed.  
“Move over dill weed, I gotta take a leak” Butt-Head said, shoving Beavis toward the end of the couch before stepping around it and shuffling to their small bathroom where he proceeded to pee and not flush.  
Opposite the toilet, which was stained by old piss and God knows what else, was a short mirror stuck to the wall. The glass was smeared with fingerprints in some areas and white crust in others. The crust could be Beavis’, he particularly liked to wait (a feat shocking to his character) until his pimples got fat and red so when he popped them the pus went shooting out onto the mirror. It was also possible the crust could belong to Butt-Head, he was just as likely known to jerk off in front of the mirror and see how high he could shoot his spunk on the glass.  
Butt-Head looked at himself; picked at a scab on his forehead, rubbed at a dry patch of skin on his arm, felt his tongue over his braces for old food before leaving the bathroom, keeping both the light on and his hands unwashed.  
“Hehe were you spanking your monkey in there?” Beavis cackled when his friend returned.  
“Uh, quit thinking about my wiener, butt knocker,” Butt-Head responded, sending Beavis into another fit of hums and grunts.  
“Mmh heh heh, don’t call me a butt knocker, bunghole!”  
“Uh huh huh heh, just shut up and like, pass me the remote.”  
“Oh yeah, hm hehe.”  
The channel was shortly changed to MTV where ‘Low Self Opinion’ by Rollins Band was playing.  
“Yes!” Beavis and Butt-Head crowed, pumping their fists happily.  
“Huh huh Rollins Band is cool.”  
“Hm hm yeah, yeah and the singer has tattoos” Beavis observed.  
“Yeah huh huh, Henry Rollins rules” Butt-Head added.  
“Hm hm hehe kickass!”  
“Uh huh huh I bet if I like, had a bunch of tattoos and stuff, and wore shirts without sleeves, I’d get a ton of chicks.”  
“Hehe hehe you don’t have any muscles asswipe, hm hm, you can’t get any chicks.”  
“Shut up, butt munch! Don’t make me kick your ass again,” Butt-Head warned.  
“Hehe heh” Beavis replied eloquently. “I like the one where he’s all red, yeah. Liar! Liar! Liar! Hehe hm hehe.”  
“Huh huh, settle down Beavis, you’re gonna soil your drawers.”  
“Hehe hm that Rollins guy has a big neck hehe, it’s like, as big as my waist.”  
“Huh huh for a guy with tattoos and muscles he sure sounds like a wuss,” Butt-Head snickered, gesturing to the screen where Henry Rollins was shouting about sleeping alone at night in the background, while he lie awake and shirtless in his bed. “Say Beavis, huh huh, do you have a low self opinion?” Butt-Head teased, quoting the lyrics.  
“Hehe heh yeah.”  
“Huh huh, wussy, that’s why you never scored.”  
“Shut up, Butt-Head! Hehe heh hm hehe, you never scored either!”  
“Huh huh, yeah but like, I’m gonna score before you, huh huh. You’re never gonna score.” Butt-Head sneered.  
“I’m gonna kick your ass!” Beavis squawked, fuming after being told he’d never score, and threw himself at the taller teen, sending them both off the couch in a heap of flying limbs. Angry grunts and huffs were exchanged as hair was pulled, heads were pushed, faces were punched. Butt-Head slugged Beavis hard in the nose, and crawled over the flailing body to continue the series of punches, when he suddenly slumped onto the blonde after being kneed just as hard in the balls.  
“Ugh, low blow, dude,” Butt-Head moaned pitifully, curled over on his side after Beavis had shoved his assailant off him.  
“Hehe, I told you I’d kick your ass,” Beavis jeered, scrubbing his finger under his bleeding nose while Butt-Head cradled his poor package.  
“You’re the one bleeding, dumbass, don’t make me break your nose again,” Butt-Head threatened, still intimidating (to Beavis) despite the weak strain in his voice.  
“Hehe, it’s not even broken,” Beavis returned, but somehow he knew not to draw the line again. Even though he ended the fight with a cheap shot Butt-Head totally handed his ass to him. “Mm mehe, I need a smoke."  
“Uh huh huh, let’s watch something,” Butt-Head smirked, sensing his victory, leaving an unspoken truce set between the two of them (until next time).  
The boys’ attention was once again brought back to the TV where a different music video was playing, 'Low Self Opinion' having ended during their scuffle. Beavis fished a cigarette and his lighter out of his pocket and after a few seconds of struggling to light it, took the first drag.  
“Honestly dude, hehe, if you had tattoos that’d be kinda cool,” Beavis admitted, before blowing smoke in Butt-Head’s face to make his ‘peace offering’ bittersweet.  
“Huh huh huh, yeah, that’d be cool,” Butt-Head agreed and the order was restored.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao idk what tf I'm doing but uhh next chapter starts from where this chapter ended off.


	2. Breakin' the Law Breakin' the Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beavis smokes his last cigarette, leading the two fart knockers to go to school hoping they can bum a few off Earl. After Beavis and Butt-Head cause a scene in class and get detention, Earl agrees to give Beavis a couple looseys if he and Butt-Head do him a favor. Beavis and Butt-Head manage to come up with a half-assed plan to distract Van Driessen so they can get into his desk drawer and return Earl's gun. While digging around in Van Driessen's desk, Butt-Head comes across more than a few "cool" things to grab for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a week to come up with this idea lmao, mostly because I needed to watch a few more episodes to think about how the fuck Beavis and Butt-Head would get their hands on drugs and alcohol. I was inspired by the Incognito episode where Beavis and Butt-Head come to school in "disguises" hoping to trick Earl, a kid who smokes in their class and keeps a gun in his jacket, from possibly killing them. In this episode it's revealed that Van Driessen has a drawer full of confiscated items, including a shit ton of firecrackers and Earl's guns. The episode can be found on dailymotion! :)

“Dude, there’s like, nothing good on TV right now,” Butt-Head huffed. Their current options were watching ads for home insurance and some shopping channel where an old lady was buying some stupid porcelain doll.  
“Hehe, this sucks” Beavis agreed through puffs of smoke. Beavis took a final drag before coughing and crushing the filter into the couch cushion.  
“Gross man, hm heh, I smoked the butt.”  
“Huh huh you said butt huh huh. You said you smoked the butt huh huh heh” Butt-Head snickered.  
“Shut up fart knocker, meh heh,” Beavis replied, stuffing his hands in his pockets, feeling around for anymore cigarettes. “Crap! I don’t have anymore smokes hehe hm” Beavis said anxiously, beginning to tap his foot and twitch.  
“Woah, huh huh, settle down Beavis, just get some more.”  
“With what money, chode smoker!?” Beavis cawed, earning a smack from Butt-Head.  
“Chill out, dude! Why don’t you uh, beg Earl for some, huh huh. Maybe if you blow him he’ll give you a few.”  
“Shut up, Butt-Head!”  
“Uh huh huh, okay, let’s like, go to school or something. Maybe you can, uh, take some from his bag when he isn’t looking.”  
“Good idea, hehe, we’re there, dude.”

It was about a quarter past eleven when the two gangly teens walked into Van Driessen’s class, ‘hehe-ing’ and ‘huh huh-ing” their way to their seats in the back of the room, Beavis behind Earl and Butt-Head behind Daria.  
“Well hello Butt-Head, Beavis. Care to explain why you’re late again today?” Van Driessen sighed.  
“Uhh, no,” Butt-Head drawled.  
“Mm hehe, well Butt-Head was choking his chicken—“  
“Shut up, ass goblin! I was not!” Butt-Head retorted, smacking Beavis upside the head, who in turn punched Butt-Head’s arm.  
“Beavis! Butt-Head! I will not tolerate this behavior, do you understand?” Van Driessen scowled.  
“Um, huh huh, no?” Butt-Head grinned.  
“I can’t deal with this today, both of you can serve an hour of detention in this room after school!”  
“Whatever, hippie.”  
“Hehe, cool” Beavis added.  
As the hippie continued his lesson on the effects of deforestation on carbon dioxide levels, Beavis turned to face Earl’s back. Although his book bag was half open, it was shoved under his feet.  
“Uh, hey Earl, hehe.”  
“What do you want, Beaver?” The taller boy growled under his breath, his tone suggesting that given one wrong phrase and he’d beat the blonde mercilessly (which obviously went unnoticed by Beavis).  
“Where do you keep your cigarettes?”  
This time Earl turned his head slightly, it was unclear if his brow was furrowed from annoyance or restraining himself from kicking Beavis’ ass right then and there (or very possibly both).  
“I keep em in a place where wimpy little fags like you can’t touch em."  
“Oh yeah, hehe, can I have some?”  
“I d’know, how much you got?”  
“Uh, hehe, uh, how much what?”  
Earl’s eye twitched.  
“How much money d’you have, dipshit?” He reiterated.  
“Hehe heh you said shit uh, hehe,” Beavis giggled nervously. “Uh, none.”  
“Did you really think I’d give you my smokes for free? Out of, what, 'the goodness of my heart'? Listen you dumb fuck—“ Before Earl could finish saying ‘you better stay right where you are when class ends ‘cause I’m gonna kick your ass’ he reconsidered for a second. “—Do me a favor and I’ll give you a few, yeah?”  
Beavis nodded, shaking his fists eagerly.  
“Alright, Driessen’s got my gun in one’a’tha drawers in his desk. Get it and give it t’me after detention and you got a deal.”  
“Okay, hehe hum, yeah!” Beavis grinned, humming with excitement.  
“One more thing,” Earl suddenly turned to face Beavis. Van Driessen was still yammering on about rain forests and with Daria asking questions, didn’t notice Earl grab Beavis by the collar and haul him closer. “If I don’t get that gun back by 3:35, you’re fucking dead. I don’t wanna see any scratches, smudges, or bullets missing, got that?” Earl hissed, and all Beavis could do was nod frantically.  
Beavis was released when the bell rang loudly, waking Butt-Head from where he’d been drooling on his desk.  
“Uh, what time is it?” Butt-Head mumbled.  
“Hehe, uhm I don’t know.”  
“Huh huh, let’s like, skip the rest of the day.”  
“Yeah, yeah, let’s skip, hehe.”

The rest of the day crawled by at a snail’s pace but eventually it was time for the duo to serve detention.  
Beavis and Butt-Head took their designated seats while Van Driessen watched them from behind his desk at the front of the room, socked-and-sandalled feet propped up and a book in his hands.  
“Ugh, this sucks!” Butt-Head griped.  
“Yeah, hehe hm, sucks!” Beavis said and somehow, in a tiny crevice of his mind he remembered he had something to do if he didn’t wanna die (and possibly get a few bogeys). “Holy crap! Butt-Head, Butt-Head!”  
“What is it, Beavis?”  
“Hehe Earl’s gonna gimme some smokes after this.”  
“Oh, uh, okay.”  
“But like, he’s not gonna give em if I don’t get his gun from the hippie’s desk, uh actually, hm hehe heh, he’ll kill me, or something, heh heh.”  
“Huh huh, woah, that’ll be cool.”  
“No way, bung wipe! You have to like, heh heh, help me get into his desk, or something.”  
“What’s in it for me, pecker butt?”  
“Uh, hehe hm you said in it, hehe.”  
“Oh, yeah, huh huh huh.”  
“Mm, uh, but I’ll like, owe you one or something, hehe.”  
"Huh huh heh, that sounds cool.”  
“Hey Butt-Head, uh, what are we gonna do?”  
“Huh huh, you said do.”  
“Heh heh, oh yeah.”  
“Uh, what if I like, stick a pencil in your hand huh huh huh.”  
“What!? Why would you do that, butt munch!?”  
“Maybe if you like, start bleeding bad enough, uh, he’ll take you to the nurse or something, huh huh. Then, uh, I’ll go in his desk, huh huh, and get the gun, or whatever.”  
“Why do I gotta be the one who starts bleeding!?”  
“Quit being a panty wuss, do you want my help or not?”  
“Whatever, butt hole.”  
Beavis leaned forward and procured a pencil from off the floor. Butt-Head quickly snatched it out of his hand and drove it into the blonde’s palm.  
“YAAHH!” Beavis squawked, flapping his bleeding hand.  
“What’s going on over there?” Van Driessen asked, looking up from his book.  
“Uh, huh huh, Beavis is bleeding.”  
“Good heavens, Beavis! What happened?”  
“Augh! Hehe hehe mm, yowch! Hm heh, can I like, go to the nurse or something?” Beavis winced, presenting the pencil shoved about an inch into his hand, the skin around it inflamed and bleeding.  
“Pencil in your hand or not, don’t think I’m letting you out of my sight!” Van Driessen scoffed, before picking up a ring of keys. “You’re lucky Sheila doesn’t leave until 3:00!” He then turned to Butt-Head, narrowing his eyes. “No funny business, mister! When I come back you better be in the same spot!”  
“Uh huh huh, okay” Butt-Head replied, his eyes flitting to meet Beavis’ as he and the hippie stepped out of the room. There was the click of a lock turning from the outside and then footsteps fading before Butt-Head approached the desk. The brunette knelt beside the desk drawers and opened the first one. To his luck, the gun sat inside it, on top of a plethora of firecrackers of numerous shapes and sizes.  
"Woah, huh huh, cool!" Butt-Head gaped for a few seconds in awe before grabbing the pistol, which was heavier than he thought after almost dropping it, and stuffed it in his book bag, along with a handful of firecrackers.  
‘Huh huh huh, I’m like, stealing. Stealing kicks ass,’ Butt-Head thought to himself before going back to the desk to look in the other two drawers. All Beavis said they needed was the gun but if there was other cool shit to steal from Van Driessen he might as well take the chance.  
Butt-Head opened the middle drawer to find five creased packs of cigarettes. Butt-Head didn’t smoke but he looked through every pack nonetheless, no doubt he could use them to bribe Beavis somehow. ‘Huh huh this rules,’ Butt-Head thought. He decided on taking a pack of Marlboros 100s, but took a few Newports, Camels, and Lucky Strikes from the remaining boxes and slid them all into the Marlboro case and into his pocket.  
Finally he opened the last drawer where a small colorful pipe sat next to a purple lighter, a small plastic bag with a couple fat brown-green chunks stuffed inside, and a half full bottle of Jack Daniels. “Jackpot!” Butt-Head laughed, grabbing the pipe, dime bag and bottle and burying them in his bag.  
Huh-huh-ing happily, he crept back to his seat and somehow remembered to push his bag under his chair somewhat gently. Butt-Head glanced up at the clock but didn’t understand it because it wasn’t digital. Whatever, Van Driessen and Beavis would be back soon enough anyway. With that, he plunked his head down on his desk over folded arms and dozed off with heavy metal and naked chicks and drinking Jack Daniels with Beavis on his mind.

When Butt-Head woke up, it was to Beavis chattering in his ear and wiggling his bandaged fingers.  
“…ays there’s a piece of lead stuck in my hand hehe heh heh I think it’s badass and I might get a scar, heh heh, yeah that’d be cool—“  
“Uh, Beavis? Can we uh—when can we go?” Butt-Head asked, wiping drool from his mouth.  
“Oh yeah, mm heh heh, can we like, go, Mr. Van Halen?” Beavis said, turning to the worn-out looking hippie.  
“That’s not my—y’know what, fine, enjoy your weekend,” Van Driessen sighed, ushering the two out of his classroom.  
“Woah, huh huh, I forgot it’s Friday.”  
“Oh yeah, hehe. But like, we never go to school anyway.”  
“Huh huh, yeah. Hey weren’t we supposed to like, be doing something?”  
“Hm heh, uh, yeah” Beavis replied, it had never crossed his mind that he didn’t know where to meet Earl and it didn’t matter because he was standing beside the Highland High School sign, smoking a cigarette. Somehow they were on time, too.  
“Well hey Beaver, Butt-Plug,” Earl greeted, tapping his cigarette and letting the ash on the glowing tip fall off. “Think you have something that belongs to me.”  
“Heh heh, yeah,” Beavis grinned. “Uh, hey Butt-Head? You have it, right?”  
“Huh huh, yeah,” Butt-Head responded, unzipping his book bag and taking the pistol out. Earl ripped it from his hands and stuck it snugly inside his black jacket.  
“Believe I owe you something, right Beaver?” Earl smirked before taking a final drag off his bogey and flicked it to the ground. “Well that was my last smoke, you’re welcome for not kicking your ass by the way,” the taller boy sneered before walking off.

Beavis sputtered for a few seconds before flushing angrily. “That bung wipe! He totally ripped me off! This sucks!” Beavis shrilled, clenched fists shaking and looking about a second away from blowing a fuse. Butt-Head merely laughed, nudging the blonde with his elbow.  
“Uh huh huh, settle down Beavis. Just like, check out what I stole from the hippie,” Butt-Head spread his book bag wide, gesturing for Beavis to look inside.  
“I like, took a butt load of firecrackers, huh huh heh, and then like, totally jacked his booze uh huh huh and his pot, too huh huh.”  
“Holy crap, Butt-Head! Kickass!” Beavis gawked.  
“Huh huh, yeah. Stealing rules,” Butt-Head agreed, ego swelling under Beavis’ blatant awe.  
“Hehe, still wish I could’ve got some smokes.”  
“Oh, uh,” Butt-Head hesitated for a second before pulling the pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offering them to Beavis, forgoing his former thoughts of bribing him with them. “I took these too, huh huh huh.”  
“Geez, you’re the best! Mm heh heh” Beavis said with a broad and crooked smile. Something about it made Butt-Head feel proud, or made him feel like a man, or something. He did something totally illegal and badass and someone recognized him for it and respected it. Huh huh, cool.  
“Uh huh huh, let’s go back to my place and get wasted."  
“Hehe heh mm yeah, yeah!”  
With that, Beavis and Butt-Head went home, ‘dun-dun-dun-ing’ and chanting ‘breakin’ the law, breakin’ the law!'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit I finally got the 2nd chapter out!! And technically by Sunday too!! Also ik Beavis and Butt-Head don't bring bags to school but I needed to give them bags in this chapter so it made more sense. Lmao anyways next chapter will probably be posted in the same amount of time more or less but it'll probably get kinda nsfw? Ewww grosss yuckyyy anyways sorry the ending kinda go sloppy as I got more tired but I thought the ending of this chapter was sweet :) lmk what you think and if it was too OOC??


	3. I Was A Hippie, I Was A Burnout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't close to finished yet! Sorry guys :(   
> Writing this horrible fanfic chapter by chapter has brought me to a realization: I don't ship Beavis and Butt-Head. Would Beavis and Butt-Head ever be able to maintain a healthy relationship? I don't fucking think so. Can I imagine them fucking around with each other? Absolutely. When I think of Beavis and Butt-Head in a relationship I kinda think of Sid and Nancy honestly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a lyric from the song Wasted by Black Flag!! Great song go check it out.  
> Anyways, this is going to be a long ass chapter and I don't have the motivation to finish it today I'm sorry :(( but I promised I'd put something up this weekend so I uploaded the beginning of the chapter :)) I'll continue writing and posting this chapter bit by bit throughout the week so the complete chapter should be up before Wednesday! I'm thinking there's gonna be 5 chapters in this story total.  
> Again, sorry for not completely holding through on my end, I hope you guys enjoy the little bit I put up anyway :,)

It wasn’t long before Beavis and Butt-Head were slouching on their distressed couch again, chattering excitedly. Beavis smiled crookedly over the unlit cigarette between his lips as he watched his friend pull their stolen goodies out of his bag.  
“Huh huh, woah!” Butt-Head held the Jack Daniel’s bottle by the neck and shook it, chuckling in awe as the liquor inside sloshed around. “Dude, this is gonna be _cool_.”  
“Hm heh” Beavis agreed around his cigarette but his delight was evident through his hand shaking as he tried to light up. After successfully lighting up and taking a satisfying pull, Beavis turned to Butt-Head with bugged out eyes.  
“Butt-head, heh heh, pass the weed, mm heh heh.”   
“Huh huh huh, settle down Beavis. You’re gonna bust one in your briefs.”  
Butt-Head took the dime bag and pipe out of his bag and dangled it just out of the blonde’s reach.   
“You want me to pass you the grass, huh huh.”  
“Oh, yeah, hrm meh heh.”  
“Uh, I bet you don’t even like, know how to do pot anyway.”  
“Yeah I do, bung wipe! I’ve done it tons of times with chicks at concerts, heh heh.”  
“Shut up, dumbass, you’re totally lying, huh huh.”  
“Shut up, Butt-Head! Heh heh, just, like, pass it to me. Hehe heh, I’ll show you. Uh, mm heh, you just gotta smoke it. I saw a hobo behind a dumpster do it with a pipe thing just like that, yeah.”  
“Huh huh, you said you saw a hobo do it, huh huh heh.”  
“Oh yeah, heh heh hm.”  
Butt-Head looked between the dime bag and the pipe hesitantly before handing it to Beavis. Giggling madly, Beavis took a drag from the half-smoked cigarette before snuffing it out on the couch cushion next to him and leaving it there.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder that Beavis and Butt-Head are cartoon characters that end up on stupid and dangerous situations for the entertainment of viewers!! I strongly deter drug use both from my own experience and watching the decline of others mental health as a result of it. ESPECIALLY when it comes to sex, it's important, in my opinion, not to put yourself in situations you might regret not under the influence!  
> This 5 chapter story isn't meant to glorify drug use or underage sex, I use the excuse that I'm 16 to write about it but like the writers of Beavis and Butt-Head say, don't follow their example! I believe the exploration of sex and drugs is a big part of being a teenager but I don't necessarily support it and don't take this ridiculous fanfiction as a reason to either! Lmao I know it's not that deep but I felt like I needed to say that.


End file.
